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Noodles of Doom

“Go on, do it again!”
    There was another burst of drunken laughter as Marion waved the feather duster dramatically. “O Lord of darkness, with this feather duster of doom I do summon thee,” she cried. “See how the noodles of evil dance in thy honour!” She had to stop at this point as she was overcome with hysterical giggling.
    Dan hauled himself to his feet and positioned himself opposite his drinking companion. “Halt, thou worshipper of all things evil!” he shouted. “With this… Biro…” Another burst of laughter “…I will drive thee back into the pits of Hades were thou belongest!”
    “Stop it!” exclaimed Linda. “I’m nearly wetting myself here.” The two performers slumped back onto their chairs as yet more vodka was poured out. Outside the run-down barn the wind whistled mournfully threw the cracks and knotholes. “Core, listennesat,” Martin slurred. “Sas proper Hallween weather thassis.” There was more drunken sniggering. “You think Dracula’ll turn up?” somebody asked. “Nah, got done in, dinnee,” somebody else answered. “Yeah, but whabou ghos,” said Martin. “They’re sposebe all active ‘n stuff at Hallween.” 
    Pulling himself to his feet, he raised his arms and began lurching drunkenly around the barn making woo woo noises. This prompted another fit of laughter from his companions. “See! The evil one walks among us!” yelled Marion, jumping to her feet and brandishing the feather duster and plastic cup of instant noodles once more. “Speak, oh evilest of evil ones and let us know thy wish!” “My wish… my wish is…” began Martin.”Another drink!”
    Everyone cheered and several people downed the remainder of theirs in one to join him. There was a brief silence as drinks were swigged and crisps were munched on. Finally someone asked: “But seriously, is there such a thing’s ghosts?” there was a chorus of ‘nah’ and ‘don’t be stupid’. “If there was then something’d have turned up by now,” commented Marion. “I mean, we summoned it, didn’t we?” Dan snorted.
    “Yeah right, with the feather duster of doom and the noodles of evil.”
    “And bloody good noodles they were too,” said Martin and let out a colossal belch.

“Hey, is it me or is it getting colder in here?” somebody asked at length. In the group’s current state, this should have prompted a comment along the lines of ‘you need another drink to warm you up.’ But everyone felt the change in temperature now. At the same moment a cloud drifted across the moon, blocking its silvery rays which up til then had been lighting the barn through a skylight.
    The shadows suddenly seemed much darker and somehow threatening. “Come on, it’s just a cloud blocking the moonlight,” said Dan, trying to sound nonchalant. There was a soft creaking from somewhere near the door and then several people screamed.
    In the middle of the ever deepening, ever lengthening shadows two glowing red eyes had appeared. Slowly the shadows massed together around these eyes into a huge, hulking, impenetrable darkness that flowed towards the terrified drinkers, engulfing them. The shrieks of fear turned to screams of agony, then choked gurgling and finally silence.
    Slowly the dark mass retreated back to the corner where it had originated. As it did so the glowing eyes travelled malevolently over the scene in the now silent barn. All that was left of the drunken merrymaking were cooling puddles of melted glass and piles of bleached bones. Before fading into the night, the eyes lingered for a moment on the two items that seemed out of place in the horrendous scene. A half melted plastic cup, out of which protruded a noodle, and a single, slightly scorched feather.

***
Prompt: write a horror scene (or something horrific) using a wet noodle, a styrofoam cup and a feather.

Copyright © Rainbow

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Posted by on Sunday 14 June 2015 in Flash fiction, Horror, Humour

 

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CAUGHT Out

It is a dark and stormy night… Hang on, didn’t someone already use that to start a novel or something…? Well anyhow, it’s dark and it’s stormy and it’s night… you get the picture. As I sit here typing this out, forks of lightning light up the sky outside… Blast, this isn’t going the way I’d hoped.
    Right, forget the dramatics. I don’t know why I bothered trying. My story’s hardly horror movie material. At least not from my point of view, anyway. Though most people would disagree, I guess.
This rambling isn’t getting me anywhere, so I’ll start at the beginning. When things started to go bad.

I moved here, oh, I don’t know how many years ago. And for the first couple of decades everything was hunky dory. There were always the odd mortals who’d notice my ‘unusual’ habits, but on the whole I was more or less accepted as an eccentric millionaire or something along those lines.
    I was always careful never to cause disturbance, and I never ever let people see me in my… other forms. I kept out of their way, they kept out of mine. This arrangement worked fine. Until a couple of days ago, that is…

****

“Hey!”
    Startled, I look up into the beam of a torch. I cover my eyes against the blinding light, trying to see the holder beyond. “And what do you think your doing?” a loud, gruff voice demands.
    “I… um… I…”
    “Thinking you could just sneak in and steal everything’ in sight did you?”
    “No! I…”
    “Yeah yeah. You can give your lame excuses to the police. I bet… Oh my God!”
    The owner of the voice suddenly drops the torch. He stares at me in horror, before turning and running at full speed back to the house. I don’t understand. What did I do? I’m not in the wrong form; I’m always very careful about that when venturing anywhere near inhabited areas.
    Then I look down… and see the blood. It’s gone all over the place. No wonder he reacted that way. Crap! I’d better get out of here. He’s bound to be back before long with reinforcements. Then there’ll be no point trying to explain…

****

And here I am. Without anywhere to go or anybody to turn to. I tried sneaking off; that nearly got me lynched. Yes, I suppose it was inevitable and all that. And yes, I should have been more careful. But it’s not as if I murdered anybody. What is one cow more or less? It was either that or break the habit of half a lifetime. And it’s hardly my fault there were no other creatures around that night.
    Hang on… What’s that noise outside? Yep, just as I thought. They’re coming. Who’d have thought that even in this day and age people can still be so superstitious. Ah well. My own fault for choosing this place. If I’d lived somewhere else I might simply have been banged up in a secure unit from which I could easily have escaped and moved somewhere else.
    Wonder what would have happened if I’d gone for one of them instead of one of their livestock. Maybe I’d have had time to scarper while the police were investigating. I expect a desiccated corpse with puncture wounds in the neck isn’t something the average copper comes across very often. But then again, the penny would have dropped sooner or later I expect.

I’m going to miss the old place. Even the horrible old full-length mirror. Could never stand mirrors. That’s the one… difference I can’t hide. I only kept it so as not to look too odd to the outside world. Ironic, really; that it was the most easily hidden difference that got me caught in the end.
    They’re on the stairs now. I guess this is it. Now or never and all that. It wouldn’t be breaking my vow, that was only about feeding, after all. And it’s the only way to have any chance of a new start.
    Right, where are those matches…

****

“Where’s he gone!?”
    “How should I know! Maybe he’s hiding somewhere.”
    The mob is so worked up that nobody notices the faint smell of petrol wafting up from the floor below. And by the time it dawns on them that something is wrong, it’s already too late…

As the flames leap into the night sky, a lone bat flies low over the tree tops.

***
Copyright © Rainbow

 
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Posted by on Thursday 28 May 2015 in Fantasy, Flash fiction, Horror, Humour

 

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